Sunday, December 19, 2010

Relationship Homicide

Sometimes, when I look around at the people who are important to my life in this moment, I am saddened. There are faces missing that, in my naivete, I somehow envisioned would always be there.

These people haven't been taken from me by physical death, but by a self-imposed relationship-death. These are situations where one or the other of us have chosen to cease communication, thus killing the relationship as thoroughly as if one of us had actually died.

When is it okay to kill a relationship? When that person hurts you? When that person prevents you from being everything you can be? When your respective values are too disparate? When they steal your lunch money? Where do you draw the line?

Sometimes, I wonder if I will regret my decisions, when these people have physically died. I will almost certainly wonder if there was something more I could have done to create a healthy relationship, even in cases where it's painfully clear that the other person doesn't desire a healthy relationship.

It's even more difficult when your reasons for killing a relationship are somewhat selfish. The difference between self-preservation and egotism can sometimes seem so small that it's almost invisible.

I don't have the answer to any of this. I'm still struggling with these issues, but no one reaches the end of their life without regrets. I can only hope that when I reach the end of my life, I will be proud to be associated with each and every important person in my life.

For now, I think I'm well on my way.


  1. I recently had an experience where I had the chance to make up with my "best-friend" from my younger days. We were friends from the time I was 6 until I came out in my early 20's.

    I wrote her off because she could never discuss my personal life. It's like, my whole love life didn't exist.

    She found me on facebook and I was super excited. We had been so close before and I missed having that kind of friendship. Guess what? She's still her and I'm still a lesbian.

    I guess what I'm trying to say is that life is hard and one thing I know for sure is that anything you can do to make your ride smoother, you should do.

    I have friends now who support "ALL" of me. That is an amazing feeling.

    One of my favorite quotes is "(fill in the blank) deserves to be happy, just not in my life. :)

  2. Cyndee, I LOVE that quote! I completely agree. It's how I feel about a lot of people.

    On the other hand, sometimes I still feel guilty. For example, I haven't spoken to my sister in awhile, because having a relationship with her is just too expensive. She equates money to love, and if you don't give her money when she demands it, she believes you don't love her. I'm not saying it's right, but I just can't financially afford to keep her loving me, and I can't emotionally afford the drama that ensues when I tell her I can't give her money. :P

    C'est la vie! I have some really great friends these days, and I'm grateful for every one of them!